Sometimes doing what you love can
be very painful…
I was speaking to a client today who has been in my Designer Seminar Series who was still upset from a meeting she had last week with a client of hers. As we talked, she was able to articulate just how big an impact this interaction had on her. It had damaged her self-confidence and basically rendered her ineffective for 2 days and had her questioning whether she should even remain in the business, even though she’s been a designer for over 20 years. Ouch!
I could have just spent my time with her trying to make her feel better. After all, everything she was saying indicated that her client was disrespectful and didn’t value her work or her time. This was probably true. However, I knew that wasn’t the core problem and letting her believe it was meant that I had allowed my client to fall into the trap of ‘empowering the circumstances’. When you empower your circumstances, you relate the problem to something outside of yourself and tell yourself there is nothing you could have done.
So I continued to dig a little deeper with her, and here’s what else came up. She said she’d had a ‘bad feeling’ in her gut from the beginning about working with this client. However, she decided to work with her anyway because she needed the money and this economy is still making her nervous.
When I heard that, I walked her through the following list of areas where we give up our power, and in doing so, often feel beaten up and underappreciated in the end.
Here they are:
• Saying “I can’t” when you mean “I won’t”
• Letting other’s approval be more important than your own
• Always putting other people first
• Asking permission inappropriately
• Credentializing (thinking you need more and more certifications or credentials)
• Not being clear about what you want
• Dealing in generalities
• Demanding guarantees
• Asking a question when you want to make a statement
• Being unwilling to say “No”
• Making decisions based on your circumstances instead of choosing based on your stand.
Karp, H. B. (1996). Change leadership: Using a Gestalt approach with work groups. San Diego: Pfeiffer & Company
She identified with quite a few of the statements from this list and could see how frequently she gives up her power when working with clients and trades people. Specifically, she saw that the last statement, ‘Making decisions based on circumstances instead of choosing based on a stand’ was her operating norm right now! She wasn’t choosing her clients based on her own core values and identified target client; she was simply taking on clients in order to make money… period.
That’s a very slippery slope and one that seems reasonable doesn’t it?! However, in all my experience of working with business people, this reason rarely works out in the long run. Whether it be the pain caused by the client, or the low margins due to the client constantly commoditizing your worth, (if you aren’t familiar with how you are commoditized, click here and I’ll send you our Velocity Report that helps break this way of operating), taking on a client simply for the money does not offer much pay back.
As I worked with my client she saw that she needed to redefine the stand that she has for herself and her business. With that clearly defined, she could start to ‘choose’ what she does, how she does it, and who she works with! A breakthrough indeed. Like learning a new stroke in golf, this new way of operating will take practice. And it will take discipline to give up the old ways of operating. Because I coach her, I’ll be supporting her in that journey. My client is now committed to transforming this aspect of conducting her business, and is making herself available to attract the ‘right’ kind of client for her business. The time that she would have been spending managing a bad client will now be spent finding the right ones!
Regardless of the systems and structures you currently have in place, if you keep giving up your power, you will not break new ground. Owning your power is more important than ever.
To move with velocity, do the following:
1. Review the list of areas where you might give up power – rate each one as frequently or infrequently.
2. Ask yourself, what area in my business do I specifically do this?
3. What is the impact on you and your business by being this way?
4. Now choose one of these areas and consider what might happen if you owned your power.
5. Start implementing just one of these areas where you can own your power to attract the right clients today.
I would love to hear from you. Please share your stories with me. Tell me where you are facing challenges in your business. I will try and coach you in future Velocity Reports (you can remain anonymous if you wish) and provide you with our approach and framework to break new ground.
Time for action!
Marysia
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